Your Relationship with “Your Word”

Throughout my career I have facilitated over 5000 Leadership workshops. From time to time I find myself reflecting on the lessons I have learned from the many participants who attended my workshops. Like clockwork I find myself recalling one specific part of the training as it has always provided moments to pause and allow for a wealth of learning opportunities for many participants. These opportunities have always brought a deep level of silence, contemplation, and reflection into the training room.

The moments I speak of are during an exercise when the participants have an opportunity to dig deep into their self-awareness of who they are and how who they are impacts others in their lives. The ultimate purpose of the exercise is for the participants to reflect on their relationship with several aspects, qualities, and experiences in their life.

Before the exercise is introduced participants are asked to get their notebooks and spread out around the room. Find a place where they are comfortable. They are required to stay in silence for the duration of the exercise. Once everyone is situated instructions are provided as follows:

1.       In the next twenty-five minutes you will be asked to rate your relationship with certain things in your life. They will be experiences, emotions, feelings, etc.

2.       The rating system you will use is 1-10 with 10 being outstanding

3.       The only requests I have of you is to be 100% honest and to consider how other people in your life, who are close to you, would rate you.

4.       Again, remain in silence for the duration of this exercise

5.       I will begin now

At this point you can feel the energy in the room as it is filled with anticipation… Participants are given minutes to rate themselves for each category….

• Rate your relationship with Integrity

• Rate your relationship with Honesty

• Rate your relationship with your mother

• Rate your relationship with your Feelings

• Rate your relationship with your Self-confidence

• Rate your relationship with your father

• Rate your relationship with Accountability

• Rate your relationship with Faith

• Rate your relationship with Love

• Rate your relationship with Commitment

• Rate your relationship with Trust

• Rate your relationship with Respect

• Rate your relationship with your Health

• Rate your relationship with your Body

• Rate your relationship with Courage

• Rate your relationship with Risk

• Rate your relationship with your Truth

At this point the energy in the room is still, quiet and you can hear everyone’s steady breath. They are engaged in what they are doing…. until the last category is given  

• Rate your relationship with Your Word

At this point I hear most of the participants breathe inward and its almost as if this new rating has taken their breath away… I always feel like the energy in the room has gone below ground or deep within the participants subconscious as they consider what “Their Word” means.

After the exercise has completed, we talk about the reason for the rating. In our definition the rating reflects how they are playing the game of life in each category. When you think about playing a game how does each rating 1-10 translate to the game….

              Rating 9-10 - Playing to WIN

              Rating 7-8 - Playing not to lose

              Rating 6-5 - Playing

              Rating 4 and below - Not Playing

The participants are asked to review their ratings from this vantage point. How are they playing the game of life when it comes to the ratings they assigned to each category? We then move to a debrief discussion. The most popular category to discuss is “Your relationship with your word”.

What does this rating “Your Relationship with Your Word” create for each participant? Over the years I have discovered many revelations during this timely debrief facilitated post exercise.

Here are some of the participant discussion points from the debriefs:

• When it comes to my word, I have been “playing not to lose” and that is a wake up call.

• I have never thought about “my word”. I did not know how to rate it as I am often late for activities when I told friends I would be there at a certain time.

  • Now I get to consider that it is “my word” I have given

• My friends and family have told me that I do not keep my promises

  • This was a huge wake up call as I never connected it to “my word”

• I wasn’t sure at first if “my word” was the same as commitment. I think it is connected so if I am not committed then “my word” means nothing

• “My word” it is such a big thing as it is on the line every day. It’s my credibility  

• I never considered “my word” and all that it means. Honesty was easier for me to rate than “my word”.

• “My word”, after this exercise has great meaning for me. Going forward I will consider what I am about to say/state to another person before I say it.

• “My word” is my reputation.

• “My word” is me. It is what makes me tick

• So important in relationship, “my word” can create chaos and conflict if I am not truthful with “my word”.

• “My word” is the moment in time when “I sated it” therefore if I am not responsible with my word it can come back and bite me

• There must be 100% follow through with “my word” or it does not serve me to even state what I am about to say

• I do not have a good relationship with my word, my rating is not playing. Going forward I get to consider my word and how important it is before I speak.

• Before this workshop I have thrown my word around like it was nothing. Starting today until I mean it I am not saying it.

• It’s time for me to think more about what I say I am going to do. Its time to stop and ask myself if I am going to deliver on “my word”.

Over the years the workshop participants consistently arrive at some great “Ahhhhs” and epiphanies during this exercise. The key walk away for them was how many times in their life “their word” had no real meaning for them up until this moment. What they discovered was “my word” is part of them and out in the world it carries weight whether I am a son, daughter, husband, wife, friend, manager, leader, entrepreneur, business owner, CEO, etc.

Your word matters and is a huge part of your self-awareness.  More importantly it is the key to who you are at a deeper level. Its your credibility on the line. Take the time to rate your relationship with your word and if it is not at a “10” set yourself on a path to be a ten and PLAY TO WIN.

My books offer insight into accountability and courage to keep your word. They are available on Amazon in paperback, Audible and Kindle formats. "It was ME all Along, the Path to FREEDOM"  and  "The Dolphin Lady, the Story of a Unique Relationship”